Stress

Well I've never been good at explaining my emotions even though I guess I wear them on my sleeve because it seems as if everyone else knows how I'm feeling...except for me. Currently I'm freaking out inside & out. I'm supposed to be getting married in less than a month, with no current idea on where I'm going to live (though I'm looking for apartments in Oceanside...one possibility with 5 others waiting to get responses from), with no job yet because I don't know where I will be and I wont be able to attend community college. All I have been doing the past 20yrs of my life is school, one semester after the other with a year of part time work thrown into it along with about 7yrs of sports. I'm scared that the expectations for me are now higher than I can achieve. I have to change my job choice because of marrying into military. I now have to find a job more suitable for moving around at least every 4 years if not earlier. I was thinking Social Work but I'm not too sure yet I still have options when I get my AA in Sociology. The wedding is just more stress on top of financial & just relationship stress. When I stress I curl up in my little shell & try to block the world out but I can't because I have someone depending on me supporting and helping him. So yes, being 20 and getting married is super super stressful along with living in a different city 5hrs away from where its being thrown at isn't easy as well. Wedding planning has been bits & pieces because of my AMAZING Aunt, Grandma & parents who have helped me tons along the way since I have been down here pretty much the whole time. They are the ones getting me through this. So please please please don't ask about the wedding because that just puts more stress on me I understand you care but it makes me feel like the expectations of this wedding is like one only a rich family or God could throw which it isn't. But its my/Austin's wedding & I want it to where he likes it as well as me because in the end it about me & him and us becoming one.