Damaged

A strong person knows how to keep their life in order. Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say "I'm ok" with a smile. This is so true kinda wish it wasn't :/ I really do, my walls are so high right now. People shouldn't have to be strong or pretend that they are ok. Thats what hurts the most is when you lie about being ok when there is someone you trust that you can cry on their shoulder and just tell them everything. Even in distance via txt message its still amazing to just tell someone that you trust with everything that is going on that is making you cry or hurt in pain. I think the people you love the most also hurt you the most & the deepest. Family does this a lot. Not showing up for a big moment in life, not supporting you in a decision or just not being there. I'm not saying my family does this all the time sometimes it just happens. It sucks and you cry but crying can be good, but not for days on end. That just means something big has hurt you and cut you so deep you aren't sure how to fix the holes in your heart. Danity Kane's lyrics pretty much sums it all up "I though I should let you know that my heart is damaged, damaged, so damaged....so how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?" I know many people can relate to this so this one is for my friends with broken hearts because of breakups or anything else through the month of love :/

I'm going insane

Life right now is hectic with school starting in less than a week. Wedding plans in full swing & just all in all life itself with the bug & Kaylie. I'm feeling frustrated, sad, angry all at one time. Too many emotions that are so different yet so similar going through my head. I feel as if one thing messes up or makes me upset & I'm going to blow I feel so unstable right now with my emotions that I need to get them back on track & settle myself into a groove like I always do. Maybe its the fear of a new semester, the gloom look of 2 more semesters of school til I FINALLY get my AA or just the plain fact that I'm freaking out because I'm getting married. I just kinda wish I was around my girlfriends. Eat ice cream & just talk this out. I'm hopefully going to Disneyland for the last time Friday before my pass expires. I have no plans on renewing it so sadly my Disney days will be over. But life must go on & I will go on as well. Watching my shows makes me feel better. So alas as the days come and go hopefully my emotions as of this point will to